Fear of losing a relationship: Typical symptoms and tips on how to overcome them
Ideally we go one partnership with a person we love, which is good for us, close to our hearts and is something like the icing on the cake in our lives. We imagine doing our everyday life with this person, mastering the challenges of life and hopefully being there for each other to the bitter end. Of course, feelings also play a major role. We make ourselves vulnerable, turn our insides out and thus make a big one Trust here. It goes without saying that we cannot or do not want to simply remove this person from our circle from one day to the next. A measure of fear of loss or jealousy we all have, otherwise we wouldn’t commit to certain people the way we do in relationships. However, there are cases in which the Worries for example, before a sudden separation controls the behavior in such a way that the partnership is affected. Which typical symptoms of fear of loss occur and how you overcome fear of loss you can find out here.
Fear of loss in the relationship: When fear of separation determines your own behavior
“What if he:she is mad at me? What if he:she doesn’t love me anymore because of that? What if he:she cheats on me? Does he:she want to end our relationship? I will her:him lose?” – the thoughts of people who suffer from a strong fear of loss can look something like this or something similar. The concern that the partner could say goodbye to their own life determines to a large extent the world of thoughts. Even when there is absolutely no reason for it, sufferers spend a lot of time worrying about it. The worst thing about it: It is precisely with this behavior, the constant challenge and questioning, that people with fear of loss often push their loved ones away and unintentionally provoke exactly what they are so afraid of. From a certain degree, the partner can feel restricted and oppressed by these insecurities, so that the situation also weighs on him/her.
Affected people usually read the behavior of their counterpart as if it were a sign that he/she has a slumbering desire to separate. Whether it’s a text message that’s a little late, a bad mood that was actually provoked by a bad day at work, or a less enthusiastic greeting: in the eyes of people with strong fear of loss, all of these are already clear signals that their partner: in no longer loves her and she will be abandoned.
Fear of loss in the relationship: These can be the causes
Fear of losing a relationship can have many causes. These often lie in the childhood of those affected, who at an early age are faced with rejection, turning away or a sudden separation or the death of people (e.g Parents) that were close to their hearts were struggling. Seeing such a tight, deep bond simply rupture can cause fear of loss and trust issues later in life for many. Of course, that doesn’t mean that every child whose parents divorced will later suffer from separation anxiety. According to the psychologist, the chance is higher in these cases.
But current experiences can also lead to fears in relationships. For example, if you have already been confronted with infidelity or dishonesty in previous partnerships, this also increases the likelihood that you will later suffer from fear of loss. As an affected person, you often feel worthless and have the feeling that your partner would recognize this at some point and then put an end to it. Often a kind of pressure to perform plays a role. You get the feeling that you have to constantly prove yourself and be a particularly good partner in order to continue to please the other person.
Of course, it is also possible that the fear of loss is not unjustified. If the partner keeps their emotional life to themselves and you never have the feeling of really knowing what is actually going on in the other, insecurities arise.
Fear of losing a relationship: 3 signs that it affects you too
Of course we are not psychologists. If you have the feeling that you are suffering from the fear of loss yourself, you should not diagnose yourself with an article. You can find out here which three signs can indicate such a level of suffering.
1. You find it difficult to allow closeness
You are afraid of being hurt – very big ones. For this reason, you open up to other people very late or not at all. You’ve built a kind of wall that nobody can really penetrate to protect yourself. As a result, it rarely happens that you are in really deep relationships – and if you are, then you are more interested in casual relationships. This behavior can be a sign of fear of loss in the relationship.
2. You mirror others
What really brings you joy? What is your favorite food? What’s your favorite way to dress? People with a pronounced fear of loss often have the problem that they have no preferences of their own and orient their personality to that of others. In this way you manage to get on well with your fellow human beings through the same interests and to develop into an important part of their social circle. In the relationship you mirror your partner to please him/her as much as possible. By doing so, you ultimately minimize the chance he:she might suddenly break up with you. Unfortunately, your own personality falls by the wayside, leaving you feeling empty and unhappy in the long run.
3. You jump from one relationship to the next
That sounds pretty paradoxical at first. When there is a strong fear of loss in the relationship, why should one provoke exactly that and look for one partnership after the other? Very simple: you want to heal your wounds. The affection, interest and care superficially helps you to forget your past negative experiences, for example from childhood. These bonds make you feel valuable in the eyes of others. That’s why you’re often quick to share intimate, private details when it comes to dating. You reveal your inner self in the hope of finding that person who will give you more self-worth. Needless to say, that’s pretty toxic to your relationship with yourself.
Overcoming the fear of loss: How to deal with it
The most important Tip dealing with fear is knowing your own triggers. What triggers the stress response? And how exactly does she express herself? Where in the body do you feel the fear? Knowing where your triggers are is half the battle in fighting the fear of losing your relationship.
You can then try exploring different relaxation techniques and see which ones work best for you. Whether with meditation, breathing exercises or sport: it can look different for everyone. This way you can deal with it better in moments when your fear of loss is triggered, without ending up in a vortex of thoughts and no longer having your behavior under control.
Another important step is to be open about your fear of loss. Share your thoughts with your partner. This is the only way he:she can understand what his/her behavior triggers in you and where your sore spots lie.
You should also address your self-esteem in your fight against the fear of loss in the relationship. If you define it by how other people think of you, you won’t be happy in the long run. We ourselves are responsible for our happiness and should therefore certainly not put any obstacles in our way. Learn to redefine your self-worth and you will find that the fear of loss will also decrease.